Lost Cause
by tempestquill
Summary: Never kill the ones you love, words that echo like the ringing of bells, haunting him for his sins, haunting him for becoming Kira... Sequel to Pillow Of Your Bones


Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with Death Note. I just like playing with the characters... Heee!

Author's Notes: This is the sequel to my story "Pillow of Your Bones", so it might be helpful to you if you read that first. I would also like to think **joyinthedance** (from LJ) for nudging my muse in the direction of writing a sequel to "Pillow of Your Bones". So everyone, blame Joy for this one. And as always this was beta'd by my lovely sisters Lissa and Jesse, so direct your complaints to them. LOL.

"Lost Cause"  
By C.K. Blake

The rain is coming down heavily, and he's soaked to the bone. His thumb is pressed to his lips and he has a lot on his mind, the faint sound of bells in the distance chills him to his very core. The moment Yagami Raito laid his hands on that cursed notebook L knew he was a lost cause. He could read the sorrow, regret, and the hunger for power reflected in those cinnamon eyes that he's come to regard with affection. They are now back to where they started, a battle of wills, L verses Kira, Justice verses Death.

He hates that he ever gave in that night when Raito woke up from that nightmare, that nightmare tainted with images of B, or perhaps it was an omen even then, that Raito saw L as his judgment, his punishment. L closes his eyes with a sigh and lifts his face to the rain, trying to find reason in this mess that has become his life. He knows there isn't much time left. His breath catches in his throat at the sound of the door opening. He knows who it is, or rather he thinks he does, the body is the same, Yagami Raito, but he does not know if when he turns to face him, if it will be Kira or Raito-kun.

So much has changed in the weeks that followed that night, growing closer to Raito, dropping his guard, letting the boy in. He'd been a fool, but Raito had been charming and so seemingly innocent in spite of L's very apt suspicions.

"What are you doing out here Ryuzaki?" comes the sharp question from the boy, and there's an edge of concern, ah this would be Raito-kun then. This makes the situation all the more complicated and painful.

L turns to look at the beautiful young man, a bittersweet smile curving up the corner of his mouth, and he says, "The bells. Can you hear them Raito-kun?"

"Bells? Why would I be hearing bells? Hey, why don't we come in out of the rain? Look there's no sense in us standing out here and catching a cold. You're soaked and I'm getting soaked. Let's get back inside."

L turns his gaze to the graveled rooftop of the building and says, "I suppose you have point. The bells are not for you Raito-kun."

L slowly looks up and sees Raito-kun giving him a strange look, one filled with sorrow. He follows the boy back inside the building. They find towels, and L's towel is covering his head, and Light is sitting on the stairs. L kneels down and begins to dry Raito's feet with his towel, and offers a massage. Raito tries to object, but L insists and then Raito is drying L's hair, and L closes his eyes at the intimate touch, those fingers he can feel even through the barrier of the towel. He pauses in massaging Raito's feet, and looks up, their eyes locking.

Neither is sure who makes the first move, but their lips meet in desperation. It takes longer than usual to remove their clothes due to the wet state of them. Neither cares that they are in the stairwell, the possibility of being caught only urges them on. Their skin is slick from the rain as they indulge in caresses, kisses, nips, and gentle, meaningless promises. There is a desperation, and a need to take things slow, to savor this.

This isn't frantic. It isn't fueled by nightmares and blood. This is something different, something tender to hold onto in the coming darkness. As L slips down Raito's body, kissing, licking, tasting, biting, touching, and savoring, he knows this is it. This is their goodbye, and he hates it. He hates that he knows this is their last chance.

He hates that he's lost, that his Raito-kun is now a lost cause.

When they are spent and lying in a tangle of their limbs and still wet clothes, Raito lets his hand drift up and down along L's thin, pale torso. "This is it isn't it?" he whispers.

L looks up at him with those dark, unfathomable eyes of his. "You tell me, Kira," he replies just as quietly, and deep down it hurts him to make that accusation as he sees Raito-kun flinch.

"It doesn't have to be like this," Raito says, a last bid of desperation.

L's lips quirk up bitterly and a harsh laugh parts his lips as he draws Raito closer against him. "Doesn't it? I cannot change, and neither can you. It's strange how the thing that brought us together is the thing that will destroy the both of us. There will be others to follow in my place."

"So this is really it," Raito says, and there is no question in his voice this time, just a statement of fact.

"You sound sad, Raito," L says, "Perhaps now would be a good time for cake. We should probably get dressed and return to the others. Surely they must wonder what's become of us by now. We've been gone a long time."

A wry smile turns at Raito's lips, as he says, "It is always a good time for cake, Ryuzaki."

"These weeks have changed us Raito-kun. Now you understand me perfectly."

They share bittersweet kisses as they dress quickly in their still damp clothes, and soon the moment is lost as they head down the stairs together.

----------

The screen goes blank, and then there is a message, "All data deleted." L's eyes widen, Watari. He never thought his death would involve Watari's as well. He can feel it, the strange numbness that overwhelms his left arm as his right hand reaches to clutch at the sharp ache in his chest. He tilts to the side, falling from his chair. He expects to hit the floor, but instead Raito-kun catches him, and it's Raito-kun, not Kira, that witnesses his last few moments.

For this L is glad. Raito takes his hand, clutches it, and it's real, the emotions in Raito-kun's eyes. As his heart beats its last he tries to tell Raito that maybe he's not a lost cause after all, but it's too late.

---------

He finds himself alone in the room he shared with Ryuzaki for all those weeks. The funeral was a simple one, and his grief was real. He loosens his tie, pulls out one of Ryuzaki's white shirts from the dresser, and he falls back on their bed, inhaling the scent of L from the shirt. He closes his eyes and curls in on himself on the bed.

He welcomes the darkness until the figure emerges. It's L, and that normally black gaze blazes red as the detective draws near, cornering Raito against a wall.

"Say my name Kira-kun," L says, his voice even and monotone the way it always was, but still there is an edge of accusation in his voice.

"L," Raito says in defeat. "L Lawliet."

L darts forward, his dry, cool lips caressing Raito's warm mouth, and Raito gives in, kissing him back desperately. Raito's eyes slip shut, and L pulls back, nuzzling at Raito's neck and he says, "Open your eyes Raito-kun, see what you've done."

As Raito opens his eyes he sees those accusing red eyes, and the flesh decaying and falling off of the arms wrapping around him. He throws his head back and screams as he surrenders his body to the punishment he deserves.

He closes his eyes, hears the echo of those words from his first nightmare, "Never kill the ones you love."

He whimpers as L demands he opens his eyes once more, but he does as he's told, and he wonders how long he will endure this before the madness washes over him and drowns him. All the while that red gaze and those words haunting him…

"Never kill the ones you love."

End.


End file.
